Home in One Heart❤️

I always wished to be simple in many ways. I have always been the daughter who empathizes more than anyone else in the family and tries to bind both ends of the family together without getting cut. I have always envisioned family as my happy place… as mine.

The kind of happiness I dream of is far greater than any other wish I have ever had in my life. I want my family to be as cheerful as a bird’s nest, as warm as the first ray of sunshine, as bright as the midday sun, and as colorful as spring.

It is always a special feeling when it comes to family. I lose all my ego, I lose all my temper — I only want to release the happy hormones and spread joy. But sometimes, when you realize it is one-sided, it hurts.
It really, really does.

I never wished for a glorious or luxurious family life. I only yearned for dinners filled with chit-chats about everything we went through during the day, childish gossip sessions with my siblings, and scary but honest confessions about my mistakes with my mom — each one filled with trust and belief that I would not be judged, that I would always have a shoulder to cry on.

This is the bare minimum for a happy family… or is it too much to desire?

I know what it means to be with family because I know how it feels to be away from them for so long.

I have had sleepless nights thinking about my family. I used to keep a separate family album of my childhood to keep my people close to me. I used to prepare holiday cards (which I basically and very much suck at) for my sisters. I used to create handmade gifts for my family.

But that was a long time ago — when I had plenty of time, away from all the gadgets, far from adulthood dramas, living every moment with excitement.

But now… it’s different.

Spending time with family feels like a luxury. It is not a physical asset — it is an emotional need that longs to be refreshed and valued.

I kind of miss the way we were before. We had that urge to meet each other. We loved one another. But now, even though the distance is small, the walls have grown bigger.

My keyboard knows more about what I feel than the rest of the world. The walls have seen me both depressed and happy. My speaker knows my moods, and my camera knows who I am.

All the gadgets have become my inner circle now.

Yes, there are people who talk to me, care for me, and try to stay connected. But they cannot replace my family. That bond and connection are surreal.

Even if it feels one-sided sometimes, I still want to live it the most. I want to breathe that feeling every now and then till the end.

But what stayed constant in the midst of all this is my Amma.

She has become my friend after all this chaos. She has stood by me in my weakest moments. She sometimes judges me, yet she still motivates me and pushes me forward even today. She only wishes the best for me… and for the family.

Now I feel she is my closest friend — someone with whom I can share all the nonsense in my head, the work pressure, a little gossip too… and yet feel scared of her because, you know,

Mom is a MOM!! 😜

And even after everything, I don’t want to feel alone — and I don’t anymore.

I have my family.

My MOM.

And that’s all that matters in the end.

❤️

(PS: No hatred here — just felt like pouring it out, because it heals me.)